rambling child of God…

February 26, 2013


Filed under: Uncategorized — kim @ 3:52 pm

This could be the story of so many….

My oldest daughter was born ten weeks premature. I had pre-eclampsia. It was severe enough for the doctors to put me on immediate bed rest in the hospital and an IV with meds to prevent seizures and to bring down my blood pressure that had gone through the roof.

Pre-eclampsia can cause severely high blood pressure and /or problems with internal organs. In my case it was blood pressure and kidney failure. The only way to get rid of the problem is to deliver the baby.

Save the mothers life and hope the baby survives. Thank God that we both made it. She is now nearing her 21st birthday!

Unfortunately, problems lingered after my daughter was born. My kidneys were still not functioning 100% when I discovered I was pregnant with my second child. The doctors thought it was too risky to carry a child when my kidneys were not working properly. They thought it could put me at a bigger risk for total kidney failure during the pregnancy or in the future. Ending the pregnancy was their suggestion.

I don’t remember what my husband and I discussed or for how long. We did what the doctors suggested. Reluctantly. It was the worst experience of my life. For so many years the feelings and emotions had been bottled up. Who talks about that? It’s not like a couple who lost a child and can look back on some happy times that were shared. It’s an unspeakable topic. So I never spoke about it…just put it out of my mind…unless the memory crept up on occasion. But I’ve always been pretty good at burying the memories of difficult situations.

Until I saw “October Baby.” It’s a movie about a girl who finds out she was adopted. Not only was she adopted, but she was the survivor of a failed abortion.

The movie is good. I wasn’t having an issue, other than a tear here and there, until the movie was actually over and was watching the credits roll. During that time, the woman who played the “birth mother” was talking about her choice to have an abortion while a young woman. She was talking about how the movie hit home and hit hard.

You see, the girl who was adopted left her a letter. In it she tells her that she forgives her for her choice. It brought the woman/character to tears. Just to be set free from the guilt of abortion was overwhelming for her. It was that moment that she was speaking of that got to me. I absolutely lost it. I thank God that neither of my girls saw me like that. And thank God that my husband was right there with me. We both just cried. Well, I was bawling.

But I know this now. I know my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ has forgiven me. And my child who is in Heaven with Him has forgiven me too. I can let that go.




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