it’s just odd…

Today is Thanksgiving day.


My family, and by family I mean my husband and two daughters, and I have been on the East Coast for 358 days. Nearly a year has passed since we rolled up on to this piece of land we currently call home. Things have gotten better, some things not as much as others, but progress has been made.

But I digress.

Thanksgiving was always a big family tradition for me and my family. I remember the years spent at my grandparents house in Northern California. There was no shortage of friends and family coming together to share the day, a meal, and memories. There was love. There was a feeling of togetherness.

Not today. Not really.

I love cooking for others. It’s just relaxing, even amid the holiday chaos. But today I am unable to do that. Yes, I am doing a little cooking, but not what I would love to cook because it wouldn’t get eaten. So I guess I am just looking forward to the day I can make a delicious and exciting meal for everyone to enjoy.

Our dinner attendees include my afore-mentioned family, my husband’s sister and her husband (with whom we live) and his 2 teenagers, and possibly one out of 6 other of his siblings who all live in the same town. In my family oriented mind I am wondering, “Why didn’t we plan to have a big Thanksgiving dinner all together?” After all, we have the space.

Please don’t misunderstand what I am writing about today. I am absolutely thankful for what we have. I am merely making an observation, comparing and contrasting, if you will.

In fact, as I write this here today, I can hear my 15 year old daughter and her 15 year old male “step-cousin” playing a game in the living room. I love the noises and the laughter that come with family holiday get-togethers. I miss that.

My feeling is that it’s just odd.

That’s all.

k

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oh my soul…

I heard this song on the way to work today.

I listened to the lyrics.

Talk about being right on the nose.

Certainly I am not the only person who has had situations in their life that cause us to feel all alone even in a crowded room.

How we handle the situation is important.

God is working in our lives even when we don’t realize it. He speaks to us through situations and through those around us.

I can testify to that right now!

Even when we feel like we just can’t go a step further and our faith has run dry, God is with us and will help us take the next step.

k

still…

This. Right now.



My mind has been a broken record.


In case you don’t know what a record is, it’s vinyl. A 33. If there was a scratch, the needle would just keep skipping as the record spun round and round, repeating the same part of the song over and over.


As I think about it, Satan is that scratch…the reason things just keep going round and round in my head seeming like it may never stop.

My 15 year old daughter is so observant. She has been since birth. She sees things in people…remembers them. She reminded me of that yesterday when she finally had a discussion with me and basically told me that all of the complaining about our situation just brings her down. For that, I am deeply sorry.

I’m sorry that my selfishness has caused her, or anyone else for that matter, even a small amount of pain.

I’m sorry that I haven’t actually opened my eyes to the fact that this place is in fact a beautiful place…a place that we could be enjoying while we are here, even if for a relatively short amount of time.

Yes. I want to go back “home” to the west side of the United States. But do I need to be such a butthead while we are here? No.

It’s been 10 1/2 months that we have been on the east coast and it has been a rare moment that I have actually enjoyed myself. Granted, I’m not nearly as negative today as I was for the first few months we were here. I was beginning to drive my husband crazy too.

My focus has been on me and what I want and how quickly I want it.
That is not very Christ-like. Not at all.

Looking back to the months before our move out here, I remember having such an overwhelming feeling of peace. I seemed to know that no matter what happened, it was going to be ok. That has been my phrase to others. “It’s going to be ok.” I wanted people to trust Him. I was filled with the knowledge that I can trust God in any situation. Then somehow that feeling was quickly and drastically taken. I was in panic mode up until the day we drove away from our house in the west. I was a trembling mess when we pulled into what would be our new home on the east coast that night on December 1, 2016. I will never forget. I cried every day for a while. Then I seemed to transform into a bitter and selfish person that only wanted what I wanted.

Without realizing it, I was questioning God. Why did we have to come here? Why didn’t we just wait? Why didn’t I find a full-time job where we were? Why? Why? Why?

I’m sure I could elaborate, but I won’t. Not today. What I will say is this-
Over the last couple of months, I have noticed small changes in my attitude. While I’m not at the point of full surrender again, but I hope to be, I have eased up. I thank God, first and foremost. I also thank some friends who I know are praying for me. I thank my husband for being patient with me. And I pray to God that my negativity hasn’t and won’t affect his outlook on our situation.

Today I have been employed full time for almost seven months. Praise God for that! And get this- -> The company I work for has offices all around the country…even the two states we are looking to move back to. My options are open.


My oldest daughter started college and is doing very well. My youngest daughter is a sophomore and doing much better than the past couple of school years. My husband is doing well with his health issues.

The prayer of my heart today is that I will indeed “be still” as the song in the video suggests. The lyrics to this song could not describe this situation any better. I was afraid because I could not (and still can’t) see where this road is going. And I do need to let go and let Him work for our family. He is making a way for us. He is most certainly answering prayers before we pray them.

Psalms 46:10 – He says, “Be still and know that I am God.”
Amen.

k

unsure…

“Nothing will change, even if all the things I do go wrong.”

That is a great thing to know because I’m sure I do things wrong all of the time!

I don’t quite know what I need right now, but this song seemed fitting. My hope is in God. I need that reminder right now I guess.

“My hope is built on nothing less than Your great love, Your righteousness.

I need to hold on to Him and He to me.

I trust you Lord.

k

no more… no less…

She had developed a habit of standing at the kitchen window and just staring out. She wasn’t looking at anything in particular. Just watching. Watching the cars go by. Watching an occasional bicycle. Just watching.
Things were different and she was looking forward to making yet another change. Going “home.” This place was just a stepping stone in life. A very out of the way stepping stone, but part of life.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Sometimes things happen in life and we don’t understand why. It could be a crazy move thousands of miles away. It could be health issues that you never dreamed would develop. Life is truly a mystery. And yes, God works in mysterious ways. One day we will know the reason for various situations in our lives. It may not be right now…and that’s okay.
Just don’t let it drive you crazy.

k

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I’m not trying to hide anything
I wear it on my sleeve
I’m not trying to be something I’m not
This is all I’ve got
I’m not trying to re-invent the wheel
Just trying to be real
I’m not trying to say follow me
I’m not the one who leads

Let me introduce myself to you
This is who I am
No more, no less
I am just someone who understands
Because of You I’m blessed
No more, no less

I’m not trying to prove anything
It’s all about the change

I hope you stare just long enough to see
The heart that’s beating here inside of me
Beyond all the things you may think you know
I’m just a kid trying to make it home, that’s it
No more, no less
Lord, I want to go home
Nothing more, nothing less

even if…

Sometimes I catch myself complaining and feeling sorry for myself. “Poor me. I wish I didn’t have to deal with (fill in the blank).
Then something like this happens…I get a response to an email I sent to a very dear friend that I have not spoken with in ages! Here is some of what her email said:

“God is so good, and all is well and we are OK, but we’ve had some really big challenges…is not diabetic…Got really, really bad last year. But he is now on medication and doing much better.

I’ve had some severe health challenges–long story short…in moderate to serious pain a lot and have to use a walker.

BUT I haven’t let it slow me down! Still work 3 jobs….God is so good.

I hope to start a Bible teaching podcast in the fall….Standing to teach is hard, but I just can’t quit loving and wanting to teach God’s Word.”

I was truly in tears as I read the email to my husband.

What am I complaining about? This woman who teaches from the heart all because of the LOVE of God! “God is so good” she says in the midst of her physical and likely emotional pain.

WOW.

Here is a song I heard on the radio today…Listen to it. Really listen to the words.

k

Your Words…

Sometimes in our lives we are surrounded by negativity…untrue words…and just plain doubt.

So many words.

When we reach a point where we just want to throw our hands in the air and an cry out, “I can’t stand this anymore!” who can we turn to?

Jesus.

His words will NEVER fail us. We can trust Him at all times. When we feel like our trust in humanity (at least some of it) is fading…our trust in God is solid.

What God tells us will always be true.

We never have to doubt Him!

EVER.

k

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