rambling child of God…

March 24, 2019

weekend homebody…

Last week was rather stressful at work. By Friday I was so exhausted. There is just so much on my mind about work these days, but that is a story for a different day.

So Friday night after getting home and getting dinner together, etc… I just sat on the couch and watched tv. Some Food Network and then into the rest of Mr. Robot, season one. (It’s a show I just learned about  maybe 3 months ago and it’s REALLY good!)

Saturday morning I knew what I wanted to do this weekend. I wanted to get some stuff DONE. Totally clean the kitchen and living room…rearrange the downstairs bedroom (which will be done as soon as I post this blog), go shopping, cook some food for my husband to have during the week, you know, the homebody kind of stuff. As crazy as it sounds, that is a way to relax for me. It gets my mind off of work and gets me focused on something productive.

So, it’s early afternoon on Sunday as I type this entry out. I have a new class starting tomorrow, my 17 year old is already making plans with her friends to move to a different state sometime after graduation, my husband has been home for 5 days after having been in the hospital for 8 1/2 days, my older daughter is booking a trip far away this summer and she will be traveling alone, we are adapting to my husband’s new required diet restrictions (pretty much no salt and lower potassium intake), there is still work stuff, and we are still considering a move back west at some point after previously mentioned 17 year old graduates. Do I have a lot on my mind? Yeah. And this is not a comprehensive list of stressors in my life. LOL

I am glad that I actually had a few moments to sit and write. It has been a very long time. So much I could write about regarding that time, but I won’t. At least not now. Not sure how I would put it all into words. Not sure I really can at this point. Just glad things are improved now.

The downstairs bedroom is calling my name. It needs some organization. Then, my youngest will be making homemade marinara (low sodium for her father) and chicken parm for dinner. Yum! I love that she loves to cook. My oldest girl hates to cook. I think another couple episodes of Mr. Robot are on the agenda for later. I want to get through the first three seasons before season 4, and final, season starts! And my dear hubby needs some TLC. For some reason his arthritis has been raging for the last couple days. Of course, it could be a side affect of the Humira he takes. We’re not sure. Anyway…

Until later…

k

 

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August 28, 2018

day #636

So…back on day #606 my husband, two daughters and I moved into our own apartment. Really it’s more like a townhouse. But whatever. It is our own space!

I cried. I was so happy I couldn’t believe it. Finally.

The crappy part is that I got sick. My youngest got sick. We couldn’t really even enjoy it until a couple of weeks ago. But that’s okay!

Now we just need to finish unpacking, purging crap, and repacking the stuff we don’t need upstairs. We have a basement now. Cool.

I would write more now and be more excited if I wasn’t so tired. Worked OT yesterday and today was up at 530am to drive almost all the way to Boston. I am exhausted.

More later.

k

April 20, 2018

day #506

Filed under: Cooking Up A Storm,family — kim @ 7:49 pm
Tags: , , , ,

Well, seems like tensions boiled over a couple of days ago. I don’t know if that is really what I want to write about. In fact, as is the case so many times when I crack open the laptop and head here to WordPress, I don’t have a specific topic to write about. It just flows.
So, the family member we are sharing this house with let me know, in a roundabout way, that she would like for us not to be living here anymore. I mean, I am fairly certain she and her husband would not throw us out on to the streets, but it has become more clear that our welcome is coming to an end. And actually, that’s okay. Trust me, finding our own place to live has been on my mind since Day #1 and we had been looking anyway. God willing we will be out in the next couple of months.
But aside from that, my husband and I got to do something recently that we had not done in a very long time. We cooked for a big group at a baby shower. It was so much hard work but we loved every minute of it! I so wish it was something we could do on a more regular basis. There must be a way!
Work is going well. I applied for a sales position in my company and am waiting to find out if I got the job. I should know in a week or so. If I do get the job, it will be easier for us to be able to move and afford rent. The pay is better and there is commission. But things are rather stressful on the sales side right now. However, if I am offered the position, I know that all things are possible through Christ who gives me strength! Amen to that!
And speaking of Jesus Christ…I still am not attending a church. I would really like to. I know that connecting with a family of believers is important when it comes to my Christian walk. It is also a great way to make friends and find more opportunities to serve. Something to think about!
We’re going to be having some fun! I know I have not been the funnest person to be around but slowly we are (I am) having more fun. We’ve been to the movies, found new restaurants, been to NYC, the Cape, and are planning another Cape trip soon. Funny how The Cape has become a bit of a favorite spot for us broke Mexicans! LOL This spring I want to go to Vermont, New Hampshire, and even Maine! At some point it would be awesome to get to Washington, D.C. as well. How amazing it would be!
That’s all I have for now. It’s late on this Friday night and the week has worn me out. So…until next time…

k

November 23, 2017

it’s just odd…

Today is Thanksgiving day.


My family, and by family I mean my husband and two daughters, and I have been on the East Coast for 358 days. Nearly a year has passed since we rolled up on to this piece of land we currently call home. Things have gotten better, some things not as much as others, but progress has been made.

But I digress.

Thanksgiving was always a big family tradition for me and my family. I remember the years spent at my grandparents house in Northern California. There was no shortage of friends and family coming together to share the day, a meal, and memories. There was love. There was a feeling of togetherness.

Not today. Not really.

I love cooking for others. It’s just relaxing, even amid the holiday chaos. But today I am unable to do that. Yes, I am doing a little cooking, but not what I would love to cook because it wouldn’t get eaten. So I guess I am just looking forward to the day I can make a delicious and exciting meal for everyone to enjoy.

Our dinner attendees include my afore-mentioned family, my husband’s sister and her husband (with whom we live) and his 2 teenagers, and possibly one out of 6 other of his siblings who all live in the same town. In my family oriented mind I am wondering, “Why didn’t we plan to have a big Thanksgiving dinner all together?” After all, we have the space.

Please don’t misunderstand what I am writing about today. I am absolutely thankful for what we have. I am merely making an observation, comparing and contrasting, if you will.

In fact, as I write this here today, I can hear my 15 year old daughter and her 15 year old male “step-cousin” playing a game in the living room. I love the noises and the laughter that come with family holiday get-togethers. I miss that.

My feeling is that it’s just odd.

That’s all.

k

October 17, 2017

still…

This. Right now.



My mind has been a broken record.


In case you don’t know what a record is, it’s vinyl. A 33. If there was a scratch, the needle would just keep skipping as the record spun round and round, repeating the same part of the song over and over.


As I think about it, Satan is that scratch…the reason things just keep going round and round in my head seeming like it may never stop.

My 15 year old daughter is so observant. She has been since birth. She sees things in people…remembers them. She reminded me of that yesterday when she finally had a discussion with me and basically told me that all of the complaining about our situation just brings her down. For that, I am deeply sorry.

I’m sorry that my selfishness has caused her, or anyone else for that matter, even a small amount of pain.

I’m sorry that I haven’t actually opened my eyes to the fact that this place is in fact a beautiful place…a place that we could be enjoying while we are here, even if for a relatively short amount of time.

Yes. I want to go back “home” to the west side of the United States. But do I need to be such a butthead while we are here? No.

It’s been 10 1/2 months that we have been on the east coast and it has been a rare moment that I have actually enjoyed myself. Granted, I’m not nearly as negative today as I was for the first few months we were here. I was beginning to drive my husband crazy too.

My focus has been on me and what I want and how quickly I want it.
That is not very Christ-like. Not at all.

Looking back to the months before our move out here, I remember having such an overwhelming feeling of peace. I seemed to know that no matter what happened, it was going to be ok. That has been my phrase to others. “It’s going to be ok.” I wanted people to trust Him. I was filled with the knowledge that I can trust God in any situation. Then somehow that feeling was quickly and drastically taken. I was in panic mode up until the day we drove away from our house in the west. I was a trembling mess when we pulled into what would be our new home on the east coast that night on December 1, 2016. I will never forget. I cried every day for a while. Then I seemed to transform into a bitter and selfish person that only wanted what I wanted.

Without realizing it, I was questioning God. Why did we have to come here? Why didn’t we just wait? Why didn’t I find a full-time job where we were? Why? Why? Why?

I’m sure I could elaborate, but I won’t. Not today. What I will say is this-
Over the last couple of months, I have noticed small changes in my attitude. While I’m not at the point of full surrender again, but I hope to be, I have eased up. I thank God, first and foremost. I also thank some friends who I know are praying for me. I thank my husband for being patient with me. And I pray to God that my negativity hasn’t and won’t affect his outlook on our situation.

Today I have been employed full time for almost seven months. Praise God for that! And get this- -> The company I work for has offices all around the country…even the two states we are looking to move back to. My options are open.


My oldest daughter started college and is doing very well. My youngest daughter is a sophomore and doing much better than the past couple of school years. My husband is doing well with his health issues.

The prayer of my heart today is that I will indeed “be still” as the song in the video suggests. The lyrics to this song could not describe this situation any better. I was afraid because I could not (and still can’t) see where this road is going. And I do need to let go and let Him work for our family. He is making a way for us. He is most certainly answering prayers before we pray them.

Psalms 46:10 – He says, “Be still and know that I am God.”
Amen.

k

September 25, 2016

It’s dark here…

When we moved here I had high hopes for our family. I thought for sure we would have been in our own house by now. But no. 14 months here and nothing.

To say I’ve been feeling sad would be an understatement. I know God is with me. He always is. But lately it’s as if the enemy is right there too…doing his best to make me feel like crap. 

Many thoughts go through my head every day. I try to think of ways we can stay here and not have to move to the east coast. But the rest of the family seems to think it is such a great idea.

There’s that selfishness in my heart showing up.

As a Christian, what am I supposed to be doing? I should be praising Him…thanking Him for the things that we DO have not bitching and moaning about what I don’t have. 

My friends have been so encouraging and I am so grateful! I just need to get right with our awesome God once again. I need to find that desire to serve Him and lose myself to Him again. Being here has really pushed me back into some serious darkness. I feel like that hiding little girl again. My artist friend will likely know what I am talking about. 

My prayer…

Heavenly Father, I thank you for being with me always. Thank you for making me Yours. I am sorry that I have drifted from you. Please help me to get back to where I know you would have me. 

Thank you for friends who are so encouraging and loving. I know You speak through them to me on so many occasions. 

I pray that the Holy Spirit will work in me to control my tongue and help my thoughts be pure and without such negativity. Help me Lord to desire to do Your work no matter where I am. You did tell us to go out into all the world. So may I follow Your lead no matter where my feet may land. Thank you Lord for being the continuous light in this land of darkness. Amen.

k

September 11, 2016

selfishness…or is it?

Filed under: Christianity,family,What Not — kim @ 4:54 pm

Right now I feel like I need the faith of Abraham.
God told Abraham to go out to the woods and sacrifice his son, Isaac, to Him. He did as he was told and at the last minute God provided a lamb for Abraham to use as the sacrifice.

My situation, or my family’s situation I should say, is not quite as drastic as Abraham’s but I feel a little bit like this.

You see…My husband, our two daughters and I moved to our current location just over a year ago. We are sharing a house with my husband’s sister and brother-in-law. Our original plan was for my hubby to get his disability, which he did, for me to find a full time job, which I have not, and then get our own house, which we have not. So…in the meantime my in-laws have decided they want to move across country to be with his family. Okay. Fine. But what about us? “Come with us” they say.

Whoa. Wait a minute! That was not part of the plan! This is not what IIIIIIIIII wanted! Come on! Seriously? This SoCal girl does not belong in the north eastern United States. Way too much snow. No way.

Yes way. Apparently I am the only member of the family that does not see this as a positive thing. Wow.

To say that the last couple of months have been stressful would be an understatement. But I just keep having this feeling like if I just keep my faith in God, where is obviously should be, that He will provide at the last minute like He did for Abraham. I need to stop acting so selfish and defiant.

I mean if you look at it in a more positive light there are so many opportunities to do and see things that we have never been able to do. So much history…so much beauty…and we’ll potentially be right there in the middle of it all!

So…am I being selfish in my desire to stay where we are or possibly move back home? Or could it be that God is trying to teach me a lesson in faith?

Probably a bit of both đŸ˜‰

k

November 3, 2015

waiting…

I won’t cry.
The answers are not clear.

Fear is there.
Some things are unavoidable.

My wildest dreams could never have included this again.
Again, what is “this?”

It’s a crazy time.
I feel so far away.

But that is my fault.
Not His.

As I do every day,
I need Him now.

I need Him to hold me up.
The strength only He can provide is my hope.

So I sit here.
Waiting…

k

January 5, 2015

Blogging 101…Intro

I’m Kim. I’ve been blogging off and on for quite a while. I’ve had trouble keeping it going on a regular basis. Hopefully with the Blogging 101 I’ll get better at writing on a regular basis.

My writing tends to be about things that are happening in my life. You know…family, church, stress, being a wife and mother. I share it publicly because my hope is that someone will be able to relate to what I’m writing about. So others won’t feel as if they are alone in their situation, if it’s similar to mine.

Another topic I’ve considered is cooking. My husband and I love to cook together. In fact, I think it would be so cool to have our own little restaurant…or even a food truck. Hard work but lots of fun!

We’ll see where this takes me!

k

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