selfishness…or is it?

Right now I feel like I need the faith of Abraham.
God told Abraham to go out to the woods and sacrifice his son, Isaac, to Him. He did as he was told and at the last minute God provided a lamb for Abraham to use as the sacrifice.

My situation, or my family’s situation I should say, is not quite as drastic as Abraham’s but I feel a little bit like this.

You see…My husband, our two daughters and I moved to our current location just over a year ago. We are sharing a house with my husband’s sister and brother-in-law. Our original plan was for my hubby to get his disability, which he did, for me to find a full time job, which I have not, and then get our own house, which we have not. So…in the meantime my in-laws have decided they want to move across country to be with his family. Okay. Fine. But what about us? “Come with us” they say.

Whoa. Wait a minute! That was not part of the plan! This is not what IIIIIIIIII wanted! Come on! Seriously? This SoCal girl does not belong in the north eastern United States. Way too much snow. No way.

Yes way. Apparently I am the only member of the family that does not see this as a positive thing. Wow.

To say that the last couple of months have been stressful would be an understatement. But I just keep having this feeling like if I just keep my faith in God, where is obviously should be, that He will provide at the last minute like He did for Abraham. I need to stop acting so selfish and defiant.

I mean if you look at it in a more positive light there are so many opportunities to do and see things that we have never been able to do. So much history…so much beauty…and we’ll potentially be right there in the middle of it all!

So…am I being selfish in my desire to stay where we are or possibly move back home? Or could it be that God is trying to teach me a lesson in faith?

Probably a bit of both 😉

k

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let it go…

First off…I’m behind on our “assignments.”

My hubby has been sick and is in the hospital so I let them fall away. But, I’ve got some free time tonight so I’m going to try to do a little catching up! And btw…he’s doing much better now. 🙂

I changed my title and tagline from “rambling child of God : Expressions of a child of God” to “ramble on child of God : because sometimes I just have to let it go.”

It’s a work in progress I think. I’m not sure about the “let it go” part of the tagline. I used to like that phrase until the movie “Frozen” was released. Now I can’t say it without thinking of the song. Ugh!

But truly, I do have to let it go sometimes and this is where I come to do so in writing…as most of us doing these assignments do as well.

And because I brought it up…here’s the song that ruined one of my favorite phrases…especially when it came to my kids…Let it Go…

k

Blogging 101…Intro

I’m Kim. I’ve been blogging off and on for quite a while. I’ve had trouble keeping it going on a regular basis. Hopefully with the Blogging 101 I’ll get better at writing on a regular basis.

My writing tends to be about things that are happening in my life. You know…family, church, stress, being a wife and mother. I share it publicly because my hope is that someone will be able to relate to what I’m writing about. So others won’t feel as if they are alone in their situation, if it’s similar to mine.

Another topic I’ve considered is cooking. My husband and I love to cook together. In fact, I think it would be so cool to have our own little restaurant…or even a food truck. Hard work but lots of fun!

We’ll see where this takes me!

k

At the beach…

Grey skies
Blue skies
The sun won’t decide

So many people
Along for the ride

Big kids
Small kids
So much fun had for all

I’m sure I’m the lone
One not having a ball

The beach is alright
If the tide’s not high
And I can take time to write

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I don’t hate the beach entirely. There is much beauty to be seen. The waves are a majestic example of God’s power. The seashore is absolutely His handiwork. I can sit and be in awe of this wonder for hours.

What I don’t enjoy is the sand in my face and the stickyness I feel whenter sitting on a blanket in the sand or after emerging from the salty water. I do enjoy watching the kids have fun…That’s why I am here after all.

There is joy in seeing others have fun. There is joy in casual conversation with a friend.

The sun seems to have finally won the battle with the fog…at least temporarily. Young ones play together in the sand building – or trying to build – a sand castle before the tide rolls in and devours it.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Oh! The tide just won! Start over. 🙂

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Lifeguards stand at alert
Parents chat
The sound of children laughing

Waves crashing down
Dads finding shells
Rebuilding castles in the sand

Sweet music of God’s creation

k

grandiose…

Yep…that is how I would describe some of the ideas I have had in the past and not so distant past too. I’m a dreamer. But my heart’s of gold. Oops…starting singing 🙂 Truly, I am a dreamer. I get ideas and tend to run with them without looking back or getting opinions from those I love and trust…especially God. Good intentions I say. But we all know how that goes.

I sit right smack dab in the middle of one of those grandiose dreams and schemes right now. Boy it was a good one too. I want to do this. I want to do that. I know there is a need. Those things that I see and want to do may very well be true. But that doesn’t mean that is where God wants me.

A few days ago I apologized to my husband for being so over the top with my ideas. I think I nearly gave him an anxiety attack!

Two and a half months ago I “retired” from a job I had worked at for 21 years. I was ready to pack up the house and move my family almost 500 miles away. I had dreams. I had plans. I was needed. Or so I thought. Well, God needs me, but I had not determined where He needed or wanted me at that point.

God started speaking.

Over the course of the several weeks God has been putting my husband and I in places the He felt we should be. With both of us currently unemployed, we wanted to do something during the day. No one wants to just sit at home a be a bump on a log. Our church had a need. We stepped in to help in the church kitchen. All the while I had the feeling that God was preparing us for something else. What that was/is, we still don’t know for sure, but there is a possibility of something really cool happening in our lives. A possible new adventure right in our own backyard.

God also began working spiritually in our lives…especially my husband’s life. He felt it, I saw it, and men in the church began reaching out to him. It is amazing! The Holy Spirit is at work for sure. And to be entirely honest, I don’t want to mess up anything that God has started. Not only is the Spirit at work in him, but in me as well. I don’t think I have ever felt so close to God in my 14 years of being a Christian.

In my life I have felt more friendships growing…not just me and other women, but our family and another. It is just truly amazing how God weaves lives together for His purpose. What that is remains to be seen…and I can’t wait!

What have I learned and what am I learning? To trust God. Ask God for guidance. Do not just jump at the first “great idea” that pops into your head…it could be the wrong one.

This is a lesson I know I will have to work on probably for my whole life. I’m a dreamer. And sometimes those crazy dreams are rather grandiose.

k

rain…

Creed – Rain

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3k3jxi4JhXA

I can’t remember the last time I experienced rain for an entire week straight. Has there ever been rain for that many days in a row in southern California? Not sure. However, I am not in SoCal right now. I am in NorCal with family.

We came up for the week so we could check out the neighborhoods and job opportunities. Looks pretty good from what little we’ve seen…since we’ve been indoors for the vast majority of the time we’ve been here. lol. Who wants to get all wet? Not me. But, I suppose we better get used to it. It’s going to be home soon.

Because of all the rain, I just couldn’t help myself. I searched “Rain” on Youtube and came up with a few good videos.

This first one, I had not heard before today. It’s by the band Creed. When they first emerged, many people thought they were a Christian band. While Scott Stapp is a Christian (not sure of the other members), the band was not a Christian band, per se, but many songs were obviously spiritual. Over time the band broke up…stuff happened…I didn’t know what had happened to them. Apparently Scott Stapp got things together again. And by the sound of the lyrics, he could possibly have renewed his faith in God. Of course I don’t know his heart, but the song sounds good.

MercyMe – Bring the Rain

This song is great. I love the fact that God speaks to us in so many ways. Sometimes it’s a wonderfully exciting situation. But there are times when He speaks to us through not so wonderful circumstances. As the lyrics say, if that’s what it takes to make me praise You, bring the rain!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8HgAVenbUU

These other videos I just threw in for the sake of the rain outside. Enjoy!

Guns n Roses – November Rain

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SbUC-UaAxE

Milli Vanilli – Blame it on the Rain

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwrL9MV6jSk

Blind Melon – No Rain

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qVPNONdF58

k

too busy…

Another long stretch between blogs…nothing new. Just wish I could be more regular about it.

So…I’m in the store a couple of nights ago with my youngest daughter. She was just being her usual talkative and active self. In all honesty I was getting a little irritated. The store was busy, she just kept moving all around the place and talk talk talk…

So we stop while I’m looking for something and she asks me, “Mom, what is your favorite part of Christmas?”

I hate to admit, but at that moment I wanted to say, “When it’s over!” That is a very sad thing to admit. But in the same moment I realized that life is just too busy. Too busy. Too busy! TOO BUSY!

I did actually get to tell her that I enjoy time with family. She agreed. My little one is really understanding the fact that Christmas is so much more than gifts. She’s still a kid, and of course loves the presents, and would likely be bummed if there weren’t any under the tree on Christmas morning, but essentially, she understands that this wonderful holiday is about our lord and savior, Jesus Christ.

There is a desparate need in me to be true to the holiday. So many years of commercialism during the “holiday season” is difficult to overcome. I want to have a Christmas where our family simply gives to help out others in need and share the message of Christmas. But then there is a part of me that doesn’t want to disappoint my kids. I got more than I needed many times and part of me wants to do the same for my kids, even when I know we can not.

And if it’s not the greediness that is portrayed all over the television and every store you wander into from November 1 on…it’s the busy-ness of life.

The feeling of Christmas just isn’t the same as it used to be…at least my husband and I feel that way. Granted, we have both lost a parent and that in itself is enough to cause a person to lose a little of that Christmas-y feeling. But with our jobs over the last 10 years have made it difficult to really take the time to have and be a part of family gatherings like we used to when we were both younger. Being around family is very important to us both.

With our very different work schedules, life is just hectic…getting our work days in…kids to school…playing taxi…appointments..etc. We never seem to have the time to just slow down and enjoy the season. My prayer is that life will just slow down some and we can take time to “stop and smell the roses.”

When I get to the end of my life and look back, I don’t want to say that I didn’t have time to enjoy Christmas or get more involved because I was just “too busy.”

k