revelation…

This song is my story right now. I don’t even need to add anything.

Have you been there too?

The confusion life throws at us sometimes is damn near crippling.

But don’t give up.

That is something I must tell myself quite a lot.

Don’t give in.

k


My life has led me down the road that’s so uncertain
Now I am left alone and I am broken
Trying to find my way
Trying to find the faith that’s gone

This time I know that you are holding all the answers
I’m tired of losing hope and taking chances
On roads that never seem
To be the ones that bring me home

Give me a revelation
Show me what to do
‘Cause I’ve been trying to find my way
I haven’t got a clue
Tell me should I stay here
Or do I need to move
Give me a revelation
I’ve got nothing without you
I’ve got nothing without you

My life has led me down this path that’s ever winding
Through every twist and turn, I’m always finding
That I am lost again
Tell me when this road will ever end

I don’t know where I can turn
Tell me, when will I learn
Won’t you show me where I need to go
Let me follow your lead
I know that it’s the only way that I can get back home

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in His time…

Last night, a friend of mine posted the lyrics to this song. I had heard this song dozens and dozens of time. I have sang this song in and out of church dozens of times. It was my prayer. I wanted God to use me as He saw fit. I wanted Him to move me to deeper waters. I prayed it.

But I didn’t realize He would actually do it. At least not in the way it seems to have happened. I was thinking in MY way of thinking…not God’s. And we know how that goes!

All in His way and His time baby!

So…as I was reading through the lyrics it hit me. This is what I asked for. I asked for Him to “take me deeper than my faith would be made stronger…lead me where my trust is without border….where ever you would call me.”

He called me alright! My prayer now is that I will have the strength and courage to do what He wants me to do in this new chapter in life. I pray for permanent employment. I pray for the opportunity to reach His people using the gifts He has blessed me with.

k

my lighthouse

It had been nearly two years since they last visited the lighthouse. They were tourists then. Now they were residents of the state. It was rather mind blowing. In the course of two years they had gone from a life in Southern California to Sin City to Western Massachusetts.

Crazy.

The weather was a little mixed on this day. Thankfully no rain had fallen on them. They were all able to enjoy the time at the ocean’s shore.

While the girls were at the waters’ edge, she and the birthday boy were sitting and enjoying the peace of the ocean and the breeze that the weather was sharing that day.

It was beautiful.

How can one not be amazed at the glory of creation while looking out on the ocean…hearing the waves crash down only to watch them be built back up over and over?

The last months had been hard. But as the memories and feeling were whirling around in her mind and daring to push out some tears, she realized that things seemed to be calming down just a little. Things weren’t quite so stressful. There may actually be some normalcy going on in their world. A bit of settling in was happening.

Not until the drive home did she really think of how significant the lighthouse was.

A lighthouse represents guidance.

It was there in the fog and the dark and stormy nights for sailors. The sailors would look to the light so they would know where they were going. It gave them direction. They didn’t have to be afraid even during stormy weather because they had the lighthouse to guide them.

What a wonderful analogy. God is like a lighthouse. He will guide us during the rough and stormy times in our lives. He is the Light we can look to in the midst of what seems like total and utter chaos.

He holds us.

He gives us peace.

He shines the light to help lead us to where we need to be.

My lighthouse.

k

some days…

Some days are just not what you hope them to be.

She remembered one of those days.

Easter Sunday.

This is the day we celebrate the resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
But on this particular day there was no celebration.

The scenery in life had changed more than she had ever imagined and things were just off. There was no home church. And there was no sign of His church at home.

Sometimes her heart ached terribly for the feeling she had when part of a church family as she and her husband were back home. The feeling of belonging was something that was missed.

Thankfully there were friends that were praying her family on.

Encouragement and prayer make such a difference…especially when she did the praying herself.

Hope.

There was always hope. Even on those days when the darkness appeared to be winning the battle there was hope.

Now, instead of a feeling of darkness all around, she is feeling the warmth of His love and the light of His grace.

Moving slowly…progress is being made. A church will be found. A church family will follow. And then finally the love in service will hopefully be a blessing to those around her.

k

My first east coast ramble…

We have been here for just over four months. It has not been easy.

I just about drove my husband crazy with my complaining. After all…this was not anywhere in my plans.

In fact…I probably drove my two awesome friends nearly crazy with my woes and crying about the move east. 

Seriously…I cried a lot. I was determined to just hate it here. At least it seemed like it.

No blogs have been posted since last September! I guess I was keeping everything in or sharing with my journal. Bummer. But I did have a nice moment of writing a few weeks ago while on my lunch break. That was cool. It’s on my Facebook page which is private. Maybe I can pull it over here.

I have good days and some not so good. The good days seem to be more frequent than the bad now. For that I am thankful.

I am thankful for a God who is patient with me even when I am consumed with my own little universe. I am thankful for friends who love me and pray for me. I am thankful that the Holy Spirit is reminding me about God’s timing. I am thankful for a husband who forgives me for acting so selfish.

Most recently I am thankful for the opportunity of a full time and well paying job. It has been five years since I left Verizon. In those years I have worked a handful of part time jobs to make ends meet. Thankful indeed.

k

It’s dark here…

When we moved here I had high hopes for our family. I thought for sure we would have been in our own house by now. But no. 14 months here and nothing.

To say I’ve been feeling sad would be an understatement. I know God is with me. He always is. But lately it’s as if the enemy is right there too…doing his best to make me feel like crap. 

Many thoughts go through my head every day. I try to think of ways we can stay here and not have to move to the east coast. But the rest of the family seems to think it is such a great idea.

There’s that selfishness in my heart showing up.

As a Christian, what am I supposed to be doing? I should be praising Him…thanking Him for the things that we DO have not bitching and moaning about what I don’t have. 

My friends have been so encouraging and I am so grateful! I just need to get right with our awesome God once again. I need to find that desire to serve Him and lose myself to Him again. Being here has really pushed me back into some serious darkness. I feel like that hiding little girl again. My artist friend will likely know what I am talking about. 

My prayer…

Heavenly Father, I thank you for being with me always. Thank you for making me Yours. I am sorry that I have drifted from you. Please help me to get back to where I know you would have me. 

Thank you for friends who are so encouraging and loving. I know You speak through them to me on so many occasions. 

I pray that the Holy Spirit will work in me to control my tongue and help my thoughts be pure and without such negativity. Help me Lord to desire to do Your work no matter where I am. You did tell us to go out into all the world. So may I follow Your lead no matter where my feet may land. Thank you Lord for being the continuous light in this land of darkness. Amen.

k

selfishness…or is it?

Right now I feel like I need the faith of Abraham.
God told Abraham to go out to the woods and sacrifice his son, Isaac, to Him. He did as he was told and at the last minute God provided a lamb for Abraham to use as the sacrifice.

My situation, or my family’s situation I should say, is not quite as drastic as Abraham’s but I feel a little bit like this.

You see…My husband, our two daughters and I moved to our current location just over a year ago. We are sharing a house with my husband’s sister and brother-in-law. Our original plan was for my hubby to get his disability, which he did, for me to find a full time job, which I have not, and then get our own house, which we have not. So…in the meantime my in-laws have decided they want to move across country to be with his family. Okay. Fine. But what about us? “Come with us” they say.

Whoa. Wait a minute! That was not part of the plan! This is not what IIIIIIIIII wanted! Come on! Seriously? This SoCal girl does not belong in the north eastern United States. Way too much snow. No way.

Yes way. Apparently I am the only member of the family that does not see this as a positive thing. Wow.

To say that the last couple of months have been stressful would be an understatement. But I just keep having this feeling like if I just keep my faith in God, where is obviously should be, that He will provide at the last minute like He did for Abraham. I need to stop acting so selfish and defiant.

I mean if you look at it in a more positive light there are so many opportunities to do and see things that we have never been able to do. So much history…so much beauty…and we’ll potentially be right there in the middle of it all!

So…am I being selfish in my desire to stay where we are or possibly move back home? Or could it be that God is trying to teach me a lesson in faith?

Probably a bit of both 😉

k

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