My family, and by family I mean my husband and two daughters, and I have been on the East Coast for 358 days. Nearly a year has passed since we rolled up on to this piece of land we currently call home. Things have gotten better, some things not as much as others, but progress has been made.
But I digress.
Thanksgiving was always a big family tradition for me and my family. I remember the years spent at my grandparents house in Northern California. There was no shortage of friends and family coming together to share the day, a meal, and memories. There was love. There was a feeling of togetherness.
Not today. Not really.
I love cooking for others. It’s just relaxing, even amid the holiday chaos. But today I am unable to do that. Yes, I am doing a little cooking, but not what I would love to cook because it wouldn’t get eaten. So I guess I am just looking forward to the day I can make a delicious and exciting meal for everyone to enjoy.
Our dinner attendees include my afore-mentioned family, my husband’s sister and her husband (with whom we live) and his 2 teenagers, and possibly one out of 6 other of his siblings who all live in the same town. In my family oriented mind I am wondering, “Why didn’t we plan to have a big Thanksgiving dinner all together?” After all, we have the space.
Please don’t misunderstand what I am writing about today. I am absolutely thankful for what we have. I am merely making an observation, comparing and contrasting, if you will.
In fact, as I write this here today, I can hear my 15 year old daughter and her 15 year old male “step-cousin” playing a game in the living room. I love the noises and the laughter that come with family holiday get-togethers. I miss that.
So maybe it was just a moment of feeling sorry for myself. Maybe I just wanted to complain…even if just to myself. It was all in my head after all.
I want things to be “normal” again…or for once…or just want to feel like it.
I want a stereo in the living room because I love listening to music and I haven’t had one in the living room for so many years. I want my own living room…in a house I will share with my husband and two youngest kids. I want the privacy that comes with that house. I want to work a normal job so that I can make dinner each night. (Well…almost every night) I don’t want to be in physical pain when I come home from work. I want my husband to be free from the physical pain that he has been dealing with for so long…emotional pain too. I want a job where the management wannabes aren’t treating the employees like sled dogs at the Iditarod. It’s ridiculous. I want this. I want that. I want…I want…I want.
Really? Get over yourself girl!
Nowhere does it say that the world revolves around me and what “I want.” In fact…Life is not about any of us. No matter how much it hurts to admit that…it’s true.
It’s about what God wants.
What I think is “normal”…such as having a perfectly healthy family…a $45k/yr. job, and a nicely furnished house is all in my head. The reality is this – Normal is all relative. Right now my normal is nothing like I “want.” My normal is what God has given me to deal with.
And to be absolutely honest…I’m struggling. A lot.
I need to get back to church. I need to connect with other believers. I need to get involved so that I can be reminded of what it means to be a servant of the Most High God. I miss it. God gave me gifts and talents. I need to put them to use to glorify Him.
Normal…I guess it’s normal for us believers to struggle sometimes. I get that. Now it’s time for me to get back to normal…Normal being a regular church goer and servant of God.
I’m Kim. I’ve been blogging off and on for quite a while. I’ve had trouble keeping it going on a regular basis. Hopefully with the Blogging 101 I’ll get better at writing on a regular basis.
My writing tends to be about things that are happening in my life. You know…family, church, stress, being a wife and mother. I share it publicly because my hope is that someone will be able to relate to what I’m writing about. So others won’t feel as if they are alone in their situation, if it’s similar to mine.
Another topic I’ve considered is cooking. My husband and I love to cook together. In fact, I think it would be so cool to have our own little restaurant…or even a food truck. Hard work but lots of fun!
Yep…that is how I would describe some of the ideas I have had in the past and not so distant past too. I’m a dreamer. But my heart’s of gold. Oops…starting singing 🙂 Truly, I am a dreamer. I get ideas and tend to run with them without looking back or getting opinions from those I love and trust…especially God. Good intentions I say. But we all know how that goes.
I sit right smack dab in the middle of one of those grandiose dreams and schemes right now. Boy it was a good one too. I want to do this. I want to do that. I know there is a need. Those things that I see and want to do may very well be true. But that doesn’t mean that is where God wants me.
A few days ago I apologized to my husband for being so over the top with my ideas. I think I nearly gave him an anxiety attack!
Two and a half months ago I “retired” from a job I had worked at for 21 years. I was ready to pack up the house and move my family almost 500 miles away. I had dreams. I had plans. I was needed. Or so I thought. Well, God needs me, but I had not determined where He needed or wanted me at that point.
God started speaking.
Over the course of the several weeks God has been putting my husband and I in places the He felt we should be. With both of us currently unemployed, we wanted to do something during the day. No one wants to just sit at home a be a bump on a log. Our church had a need. We stepped in to help in the church kitchen. All the while I had the feeling that God was preparing us for something else. What that was/is, we still don’t know for sure, but there is a possibility of something really cool happening in our lives. A possible new adventure right in our own backyard.
God also began working spiritually in our lives…especially my husband’s life. He felt it, I saw it, and men in the church began reaching out to him. It is amazing! The Holy Spirit is at work for sure. And to be entirely honest, I don’t want to mess up anything that God has started. Not only is the Spirit at work in him, but in me as well. I don’t think I have ever felt so close to God in my 14 years of being a Christian.
In my life I have felt more friendships growing…not just me and other women, but our family and another. It is just truly amazing how God weaves lives together for His purpose. What that is remains to be seen…and I can’t wait!
What have I learned and what am I learning? To trust God. Ask God for guidance. Do not just jump at the first “great idea” that pops into your head…it could be the wrong one.
This is a lesson I know I will have to work on probably for my whole life. I’m a dreamer. And sometimes those crazy dreams are rather grandiose.
A good friend from work brought this dish to a potluck we had once. It was so good that I just had to make it for my family. Make it for yourself…Enjoy!
One Can each: Kidney Beans, Garbanzo Beans, Black Beans, White Beans, and Yellow Corn. All drained.
Also, 1 finely diced jalapeno, 1/2 red bell pepper diced, a handful of chopped cilantro, 1/4 cup finely diced red onion, and about half a bottle of your favorite Italian salad dressing. Salt and pepper to taste.
Mix everything in a large bowl. Chill and serve.
After you make it for the first time, you’ll be able to know which ingredients you like better or not as much. Change the amounts to whatever you like!