Easter and everything else…

Everything is all wrong I feel like I am just doing it all wrong. Nothing feels the same this year. We’re in a new city. Still no church to call home. Not a single feeling of Easter going on in this house.

That makes me sad. But my daughter wants ham. Well…having ham does not make it a celebration of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Ham is ham. And no amount of culinary tradition can truly honor Him the way we should.

And where is our son? That is a whole different situation. I’ve never dealt with something like this. A missing person. My brain didn’t seem to want to wrap around the thought. But as I was calling hospitals in the city where we believe him to be…my heart began feeling heavier and heavier. As a mother…not knowing where your child is may be one of the worst feelings in the universe.

Lord, please help!

Help is needed in other areas too. I’m doing it wrong. My whole walk with Christ. Has it been untrue…insincere…fake all this time? But I was just following what I thought was right. Worship style. Preaching style. Too much music. Not enough music. Serving a version of God and Jesus that we have made up to make ourselves feel good. Am I truly following and doing the will of the One true God?

“I need a ‘do-over.'” I told my friends. Like I just need to start again with Jesus.
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So I started this post 2 days ago…I’m back now.
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It’s Easter morning and not a thing going on.
No church.
No nice brunch.
Still no word about our son.
More “stuff” at former church.
And junk…

I just feel…

Honestly I don’t know how I feel.

But like I have learned…don’t rely on my feelings. That is not reality. You know? Rely on God.

While we may not be doing all that “Eastery” stuff…God is still God. Jesus STILL rose from the grave and became the King of Kings! Those are the awesome and comforting things I know!

k