God and GPS…



Recently I had to run a couple of errands after work. Not a big deal, right? It can be when you are new to a big city and don’t know your way around very well.

I rely on GPS when I have to travel to a part of town that I haven’t become familiar with. Thank you, Google Maps.

Well…on this particular day I felt as though the GPS was leading me in a very peculiar way…as if there MUST be an easier way to get to this store! I was getting frustrated. Once I arrived at my destination I realized something. This was NOT the location I had visited previously. Oh brother. Well, at least I can do what I need to at this location.

One assignment down. One to go. Turn the GPS back on. Off I go.

O.M.G. The traffic!! Really? I was longing for my small town “traffic.” It was so much easier to just pop over to the store or whatever!

Okay. Deep breath. Turn on the radio. Song comes on… **see video above**


“I’ve tried to win this war I confess
My hands are weary I need Your rest
Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face, You’re by my side”


Music has a way of calming my nerves. And believe me…the traffic was annoying me so much. I just wanted to get home to my family and relax for the evening.

As I’m listening to the song and singing along…yes singing. I was alone in the car and at that point didn’t care if other drivers noticed! But I digress…

Suddenly I had an epiphany! GOD! He’s just like this crazy GPS that is leading me all over this unfamiliar city…well…you know what I mean. 🙂

“I’ve tried to win this war I confess.” – – This is me. All. of. the. time. How am I going to handle this situation? Pure selfishness. Relying on myself and not God.

“My hands are weary I need Your rest.” – – Yep. I’m tired of trying all by myself. I need to lean on Him. I could insert another song here…but I won’t. For now.

“No matter what I face, You’re by my side.” – – Not only is God by my side…He is leading me. Like the GPS!

Most of the time our navigation systems get us to where we are going easily. Easy peasy. Right?

Sometimes they take us down a path we never would have chosen ourselves. It seems confusing but for whatever reason, it gets us to our destination.

God is that way.

A good part of the time God is leading me down a road that is relatively smooth. If I’m lucky…it’s a smooth sailing on a slightly breezy day in SoCal.

Then there are the times when it’s more like the perfect storm and I don’t know which way to turn.

God doesn’t always do things the way we want Him to. But He does get things done.

In His time.

We need only to trust in Him.

He knows the way.

He’s been there before.

k

waiting…

I won’t cry.
The answers are not clear.

Fear is there.
Some things are unavoidable.

My wildest dreams could never have included this again.
Again, what is “this?”

It’s a crazy time.
I feel so far away.

But that is my fault.
Not His.

As I do every day,
I need Him now.

I need Him to hold me up.
The strength only He can provide is my hope.

So I sit here.
Waiting…

k

shut up!

I could not fall asleep last night. My brain just would not turn off. All I wanted to do was yell, “Shut Up!!” But what good would that have done? None. And I would have freaked out all of my family members.

There is just so much on my mind lately. That happens a lot I guess.

Our family is packing it up and moving to a different state. There is a group of people that I love going through some really hard stuff and it makes me sad. To have to say good-bye to them during this turmoil is a bit heart breaking.

And my mind won’t shut up about it.

Then I see a post on facebook…something about writing. Paraphrasing here…it said, “write about your fears, things you love, things you hate. Write without holding back.” That kind of thing, you know?

So here I am.

This move is huge for us. My youngest will have to change schools and make new friends. I have no doubt she will, but it’s just a big adjustment. My oldest daughter will have to find a new job. I have to find a new job. And my dear husband will have to find something to do to stay occupied. Being on disability is not a fun thing.

Will the church I found turn out to be a good one or not?

Will we make enough money quickly enough to move into our own house. And yeah…I’m totally looking forward to moving AGAIN within a year or so.

etc. etc. etc…

And what about my friends…the group of people in turmoil? What’s going to happen to them?

You know…I think that is what’s bothering me the most. So much has happened. So many hurt feelings. So many opinions. And I understand. That’s my problem. I see the situation through the eyes of various individuals. Yet, I try to figure out what the purpose is…what God’s will is.

That is not for me to know. I know God’s will is always good. And I’m not happy that things have gone the way they have by any means. But I know that God wasn’t surprised. He knew.

I take it back. That’s not what’s bothering me the most.

My friend is angry. And she has a right to be. My fear? If I open up completely about my opinion, she’s going to be mad…disappointed…maybe even not want to talk to me. Are my fears substantiated? Probably not. But I don’t know. And that’s what I’m afraid of.

Psalm 73 (click link) is a Bible passage that was shared with me. I read it. And re-read it. Several times.

I know that some people did things the wrong way. I absolutely understand that and it makes me sick.

Verse 21 says, “Then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside.”

Am I/was I harboring bitterness in my heart over this situation? I believe so. Are others? Quite possibly.

Over two days, as I mentioned, I kept reading Psalm 73. I felt as though the Lord was putting something on my heart.

The last several verses reminded me that when angry, I/we have a human tendency to act foolishly. As if God’s very words to me were,

“Don’t be foolish in this situation. Who is in control here? I understand your frustration. But this is something that had to happen. Let me guide you and those affected to your glorious destiny.”

I can forgive because God gives me the gift of forgiveness. Does it excuse the behaviors? Not a chance. A quote from a friend…”Trust and Integrity – once lost is hard to regain.”

It was 1:30am when I finally got up out of bed. I went to the kitchen to get some milk…I’ve heard it helps you fall asleep…and my ibuprofen…maybe if my joints didn’t ache so much I could fall asleep. Right? Then I grabbed my phone and earphones. Music is always helpful in relaxing…at least for me.

Pandora was my music app of choice last night. Or should I say this morning? LOL Anyway…I turned my light off once again, laid back with my headphones in place, and hit play. (Figuratively speaking)

What was the first song to play? It was “From the Inside Out” by Hillsong. That’s the song/video I have at the beginning of this post. Great song. It nearly caused me to burst into tears.

The song says it all. At least for me in this situation.


A thousand times I’ve failed
Still your mercy remains
Should I stumble again
Still I’m caught in your grace
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame

My heart and my soul
I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring you praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out


I will continue to fail in my reactions. That’s a given. I’m human.

But God’s grace is everlasting.

His light will shine even in the darkest of times.

His will before ours.

My purpose is to give Him praise…give Him control. Right?

Lord, my soul cries out to You.

Consume me from the inside out.

k

my place in this world?

It wasn’t long ago that the thought of leading a Bible study crossed my mind.

A dear friend left my church. Not many months later another friend…a BFF if you will…also left. I was feeling lost. Maybe I was feeling like I had to do something to feel like I was needed. Who knows.

Yet another friend who has let me cry on her shoulder numerous times and listened to me ramble told me something that I have not forgotten entirely…paraphrased… I just feel like you need to figure out where you belong before you try to lead.

Fast forward to now…or at least the last couple of months I suppose.

I have questioned just where exactly do I fit in? There have been many times in my life that I felt strongly about the fact I didn’t fit in certain situations. For instance…cliques turn me off completely. I get along with lots of people. There’s no need to group myself with a handful of the “popular kids.”

As I’ve grown and matured…as I’ve pondered the question…I think God is trying to tell me something. He will put me where He wants me for as long as He wants me there. With my newest little adventure (close friends will know what I’m talking about… La La La La) I’m in a place where I really didn’t think I’d be. But I mustered up the courage and took a friends’ challenge 😉 and there I am…for a season. I’m doing something I enjoy. Maybe I’m not the best at it, but my heart is in it and that’s what matters!

As for leading a Bible study…who knows? Maybe I will one day. That is actually something I would like to do.

I’m overjoyed that I have a family who didn’t totally laugh at me when I told them of my newest adventure. They’re supportive and for that I am blessed. ❤

Where do I belong? Only God knows. I look to God’s light to guide me in finding my place in this world.

k

Like the clouds…

The clouds in the sky
Remind me of the roads in life
Ever changing

As the Lord places them
So He places me
He knows where I’m going

Even when
Like the clouds
Transition is certain

Life is good
His ways are good
I will stay in His hands

Like the clouds

k

Christmas Eve…

I was up before the sun today. There was good reason. My oldest daughter had to be at work by 7am. Although she hates waking up early, she is glad to be off early today. It’s going to be a busy day in the department store where she works. Just thinking of all the last minute shoppers at the mall makes me feel stressed! Going to the grocery store today is not something I’m looking forward to either. That will be just as bad.

There’s a lot to think about this Christmas Eve day. There have been terrible tragedies across the country in recent weeks. Sad news has even reached my very own backyard, so-to-speak…a suicide at the beach and what appears to be an attempted suicide in our local mall. So horribly sad. People are feeling hopeless. That makes me sad.

One of my friends posted her thoughts on Facebook last night:

It just breaks my heart that people feel that all hope is gone. How I pray for those tonight who are might even be reading this – those who are feel there is nothing left. For those who do not know the Hope that is there for the taking. You might even say, “I don’t need God – He can’t give me anything or change my circumstances.”

With God there is HOPE – With God there is something to look forward to – With God there is forgiveness, grace, mercy and love – it’s yours for the taking. You have nothing to lose! Give Him a try – I promise you will NOT be disappointed!

I could not have said it better myself.

As I drove back home after dropping my daughter off at work I heard the song “Gloria in Excelsis Deo.” Translated that means “glory to God in the highest.” The song was actually getting me a little choked up. Really. The song praises God. It calls us to give Him all the glory! I will! The Creator of the earth, who sent his son for us, deserves praise.

Without that incredible Christmas miracle we would have absolutely no reason to even celebrate Christmas. Because of the gift of Jesus, we can have that hope and not be discouraged. We can know that with His grace, mercy, and love, we are forgiven and that He loves us NO MATTER WHAT!!! No one should be so discouraged that they can’t see the Light.

Without God there is no Christmas. My prayer is that the Holy Spirit will work within me to make that light known to others.

k

these are usually benign…

After the ultrasound, the not so caring or compassionate tech walked me into the room where the radiologist was going to meet me.

In front of me was 2 really big computer monitors with two different images on them. One from my mammogram last month and on with the magnified image of what was found on the ultrasound today. To say my heart sank would be an understatement. I knew what I was going to see. I saw it happening in the ultrasound room.

Today started out pretty good. I slept in this morning. My family and I just came back from Northern California where we had been visiting family. We wanted to stay longer, but I knew that this was an important appointment, even though I wasn’t too worried about it. Second visits are common, so I’ve been told. I shouldn’t be worried. So I got myself ready and drove up.

I was running late and a little concerned I wouldn’t make it on time and have to reschedule. I didn’t want to have to do that. But I made it, got checked in, and led to the “women only” waiting room. There were four of us sitting there waiting…each one with their own story. First time? Cancer survivor in for a return check up? Or like me…a second trip to see what was seen on the previous film?

After waiting for only about five minutes I got called back to the mammo room. A few new pictures and we were done. Back to the waiting room to wait to be called to the ultrasound room…wearing only that half gown as shirt. Good thing it was only women in that waiting room. Five more minutes and here came the ultrasound tech. She seemed to be in a hurry. She made it to the room in half the time that I did and I felt like I was walking pretty fast!

In the ultrasound room she was all business. I’m sure she does this dozens of times each day and is probably told to just concentrate on the job at hand. But we all have feelings, right? As I lay there on the table during this procedure, I could see the screen that she was looking at. Clicks for each image taken…then I see her “marking” the thing that was apparently seen in the first mammogram…the reason they’ve called me back.

The tears begin falling…she doesn’t say a word…not even offering Kleenex. And there is a box sitting across the room. “How can someone ignore another persons feelings like that?” I’m thinking. When she’s finished she wants me to wait until she speaks to the radiologist, then she’ll take me over to another room.

So, after the ultrasound, the not so caring or compassionate tech walked me into the room where the radiologist was going to meet me.

In front of me was 2 really big computer monitors with two different images on them. One from my mammogram last month and on with the magnified image of what was found on the ultrasound today. To say my heart sank would be an understatement. I knew what I was going to see. I saw it happening in the ultrasound room.

While I don’t remember the exact moment, at one point walking down the hall I knew in my mind that I should not worry…not be anxious. The Lord was with me…comforting me…wiping my tears. A moment of peace.

However, once I was in the room with the radiologist staring at these large images in front of me, my nerves got the best of me once again. I was listening to the doctor, yet it almost seemed like I wasn’t…you know? I was thinking of my dad and all the what if’s that may lay ahead of me. The tears came again. He reassured me, or at least tried to, by telling me that these are usually benign. And he’s telling the truth. I looked it up online. However, you reading this and I know that we as mere humans will automatically think, “but what if I’m the ONE out of Five that it’s not???”

Again, I know it’s far too early to worry considering that I haven’t even had the biopsy yet. My family history worries me. I will have to consciously focus on the fact the the Lord has this all under control…no matter what that may mean.

The fact that I had the mammogram to begin with is a good thing. And even if this something to be concerned about, I will have caught it early…early enough to do something about.

Just like the poster in the waiting room…early detection is key.

k