My family, and by family I mean my husband and two daughters, and I have been on the East Coast for 358 days. Nearly a year has passed since we rolled up on to this piece of land we currently call home. Things have gotten better, some things not as much as others, but progress has been made.
But I digress.
Thanksgiving was always a big family tradition for me and my family. I remember the years spent at my grandparents house in Northern California. There was no shortage of friends and family coming together to share the day, a meal, and memories. There was love. There was a feeling of togetherness.
Not today. Not really.
I love cooking for others. It’s just relaxing, even amid the holiday chaos. But today I am unable to do that. Yes, I am doing a little cooking, but not what I would love to cook because it wouldn’t get eaten. So I guess I am just looking forward to the day I can make a delicious and exciting meal for everyone to enjoy.
Our dinner attendees include my afore-mentioned family, my husband’s sister and her husband (with whom we live) and his 2 teenagers, and possibly one out of 6 other of his siblings who all live in the same town. In my family oriented mind I am wondering, “Why didn’t we plan to have a big Thanksgiving dinner all together?” After all, we have the space.
Please don’t misunderstand what I am writing about today. I am absolutely thankful for what we have. I am merely making an observation, comparing and contrasting, if you will.
In fact, as I write this here today, I can hear my 15 year old daughter and her 15 year old male “step-cousin” playing a game in the living room. I love the noises and the laughter that come with family holiday get-togethers. I miss that.
Everything is all wrong I feel like I am just doing it all wrong. Nothing feels the same this year. We’re in a new city. Still no church to call home. Not a single feeling of Easter going on in this house.
That makes me sad. But my daughter wants ham. Well…having ham does not make it a celebration of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Ham is ham. And no amount of culinary tradition can truly honor Him the way we should.
And where is our son? That is a whole different situation. I’ve never dealt with something like this. A missing person. My brain didn’t seem to want to wrap around the thought. But as I was calling hospitals in the city where we believe him to be…my heart began feeling heavier and heavier. As a mother…not knowing where your child is may be one of the worst feelings in the universe.
Lord, please help!
Help is needed in other areas too. I’m doing it wrong. My whole walk with Christ. Has it been untrue…insincere…fake all this time? But I was just following what I thought was right. Worship style. Preaching style. Too much music. Not enough music. Serving a version of God and Jesus that we have made up to make ourselves feel good. Am I truly following and doing the will of the One true God?
“I need a ‘do-over.'” I told my friends. Like I just need to start again with Jesus.
So I started this post 2 days ago…I’m back now.
It’s Easter morning and not a thing going on.
No nice brunch.
Still no word about our son.
More “stuff” at former church.
I just feel…
Honestly I don’t know how I feel.
But like I have learned…don’t rely on my feelings. That is not reality. You know? Rely on God.
While we may not be doing all that “Eastery” stuff…God is still God. Jesus STILL rose from the grave and became the King of Kings! Those are the awesome and comforting things I know!
It wasn’t long ago that the thought of leading a Bible study crossed my mind.
A dear friend left my church. Not many months later another friend…a BFF if you will…also left. I was feeling lost. Maybe I was feeling like I had to do something to feel like I was needed. Who knows.
Yet another friend who has let me cry on her shoulder numerous times and listened to me ramble told me something that I have not forgotten entirely…paraphrased… I just feel like you need to figure out where you belong before you try to lead.
Fast forward to now…or at least the last couple of months I suppose.
I have questioned just where exactly do I fit in? There have been many times in my life that I felt strongly about the fact I didn’t fit in certain situations. For instance…cliques turn me off completely. I get along with lots of people. There’s no need to group myself with a handful of the “popular kids.”
As I’ve grown and matured…as I’ve pondered the question…I think God is trying to tell me something. He will put me where He wants me for as long as He wants me there. With my newest little adventure (close friends will know what I’m talking about… La La La La) I’m in a place where I really didn’t think I’d be. But I mustered up the courage and took a friends’ challenge 😉 and there I am…for a season. I’m doing something I enjoy. Maybe I’m not the best at it, but my heart is in it and that’s what matters!
As for leading a Bible study…who knows? Maybe I will one day. That is actually something I would like to do.
I’m overjoyed that I have a family who didn’t totally laugh at me when I told them of my newest adventure. They’re supportive and for that I am blessed. ❤
Where do I belong? Only God knows. I look to God’s light to guide me in finding my place in this world.
So… lately the subject of music has been on my mind. Mostly praise and worship music. There also seems to be a lot of talk about it. Facebook, radio, blogs, etc.
I was reading a post on Facebook from Hillsong United. They are a group from Australia. They have become quite popular. With that popularity has come controversy. I don’t know all of the ‘ins and outs’ but apparently some think they are “selling God” with their music and ministry.
The comments were not offensive, per se, they were more accusatory…claims of idolatry and such.
My feelings on the subject of music have been pulled in many directions over the course of my Christian life.
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Ok…I need to stop here. I’m attempting to write a nice “thought out” blog about this subject. However, what I really want to say is this…
I love music in general. Praise and worship music is my favorite because I can praise, pray to, and worship my Lord and Savior while listening and singing along. Is that so bad?
Do I “feel” anything while singing? Yeah. I guess I do. Sue me. I don’t know if it’s the Holy Spirit. I don’t know for sure if when I’m singing a prayer like song that the Lord hears me. Is the Spirit interceding for me? Again…I don’t know.
My problem is this…several times I’ve heard/read that worship music before a sermon isn’t biblical. Worship music is a form of paganism. And just today in that post from Hillsong, a person declared that they were “selling God.”
Should secular music be cut out of my life? I don’t know. There were times that I thought it should be. As a new believer I sold dozens of my cds in my collection because they were not Christian. Now I wonder if that was the “right” thing to do. Now folks are questioning other folks for owning cds by Christian artists.
Is music and singing biblical? Yes. The Bible speaks of people singing and dancing before the Lord. The Bible speaks of singing and worshiping God in heaven for all of eternity.
So where are we/am I going wrong? I’m confused.
Honestly, so many of the songs I love tell a story…they’re prayers. It’s as if someone else wrote exactly what I am feeling or have felt. I can relate to the lyrics. If the song is more prayer like, it’s as if I am praying to God just as the author of the song is.
And so many others who are listening.
Help me out. Anyone reading this. Help me to know exactly what is or is not biblical about enjoying praise and worship music.
You want to do something you enjoy (blogging) on a regular (or at least semi-regular) basis but never seem to get in the grove? Yep. That’s me. Story of my writing life.
I’m making an honest effort to do this with some level of regularity. But I guess sometimes life just gets in the way.
Lately though, there has been good reason. As mentioned in a previous post, my dear hubby has been sick. He is much better now than he was a month ago…but still a couple of obstacles to overcome. I know there are some of you out there that know what I mean. Family first. His health is extremely important. We are hopefully done with hospital stays and most appointments have been taken care of. I feel like I can breathe again. And maybe even get in some good writing time.
So…here comes another session of Blogging 101. I attempted it in January, but wasn’t able to keep up. I will try once again. I hope to see some more new blogs from fellow bloggers. And hopefully get a few more followers myself.