still…

This. Right now.



My mind has been a broken record.


In case you don’t know what a record is, it’s vinyl. A 33. If there was a scratch, the needle would just keep skipping as the record spun round and round, repeating the same part of the song over and over.


As I think about it, Satan is that scratch…the reason things just keep going round and round in my head seeming like it may never stop.

My 15 year old daughter is so observant. She has been since birth. She sees things in people…remembers them. She reminded me of that yesterday when she finally had a discussion with me and basically told me that all of the complaining about our situation just brings her down. For that, I am deeply sorry.

I’m sorry that my selfishness has caused her, or anyone else for that matter, even a small amount of pain.

I’m sorry that I haven’t actually opened my eyes to the fact that this place is in fact a beautiful place…a place that we could be enjoying while we are here, even if for a relatively short amount of time.

Yes. I want to go back “home” to the west side of the United States. But do I need to be such a butthead while we are here? No.

It’s been 10 1/2 months that we have been on the east coast and it has been a rare moment that I have actually enjoyed myself. Granted, I’m not nearly as negative today as I was for the first few months we were here. I was beginning to drive my husband crazy too.

My focus has been on me and what I want and how quickly I want it.
That is not very Christ-like. Not at all.

Looking back to the months before our move out here, I remember having such an overwhelming feeling of peace. I seemed to know that no matter what happened, it was going to be ok. That has been my phrase to others. “It’s going to be ok.” I wanted people to trust Him. I was filled with the knowledge that I can trust God in any situation. Then somehow that feeling was quickly and drastically taken. I was in panic mode up until the day we drove away from our house in the west. I was a trembling mess when we pulled into what would be our new home on the east coast that night on December 1, 2016. I will never forget. I cried every day for a while. Then I seemed to transform into a bitter and selfish person that only wanted what I wanted.

Without realizing it, I was questioning God. Why did we have to come here? Why didn’t we just wait? Why didn’t I find a full-time job where we were? Why? Why? Why?

I’m sure I could elaborate, but I won’t. Not today. What I will say is this-
Over the last couple of months, I have noticed small changes in my attitude. While I’m not at the point of full surrender again, but I hope to be, I have eased up. I thank God, first and foremost. I also thank some friends who I know are praying for me. I thank my husband for being patient with me. And I pray to God that my negativity hasn’t and won’t affect his outlook on our situation.

Today I have been employed full time for almost seven months. Praise God for that! And get this- -> The company I work for has offices all around the country…even the two states we are looking to move back to. My options are open.


My oldest daughter started college and is doing very well. My youngest daughter is a sophomore and doing much better than the past couple of school years. My husband is doing well with his health issues.

The prayer of my heart today is that I will indeed “be still” as the song in the video suggests. The lyrics to this song could not describe this situation any better. I was afraid because I could not (and still can’t) see where this road is going. And I do need to let go and let Him work for our family. He is making a way for us. He is most certainly answering prayers before we pray them.

Psalms 46:10 – He says, “Be still and know that I am God.”
Amen.

k

Advertisements

catching up…again

Can anyone else relate?

You want to do something you enjoy (blogging) on a regular (or at least semi-regular) basis but never seem to get in the grove? Yep. That’s me. Story of my writing life.

I’m making an honest effort to do this with some level of regularity. But I guess sometimes life just gets in the way.

Lately though, there has been good reason. As mentioned in a previous post, my dear hubby has been sick. He is much better now than he was a month ago…but still a couple of obstacles to overcome. I know there are some of you out there that know what I mean. Family first. His health is extremely important. We are hopefully done with hospital stays and most appointments have been taken care of. I feel like I can breathe again. And maybe even get in some good writing time.

So…here comes another session of Blogging 101. I attempted it in January, but wasn’t able to keep up. I will try once again. I hope to see some more new blogs from fellow bloggers. And hopefully get a few more followers myself.

Have a great weekend!

k

Like the clouds…

The clouds in the sky
Remind me of the roads in life
Ever changing

As the Lord places them
So He places me
He knows where I’m going

Even when
Like the clouds
Transition is certain

Life is good
His ways are good
I will stay in His hands

Like the clouds

k

let it go…

First off…I’m behind on our “assignments.”

My hubby has been sick and is in the hospital so I let them fall away. But, I’ve got some free time tonight so I’m going to try to do a little catching up! And btw…he’s doing much better now. 🙂

I changed my title and tagline from “rambling child of God : Expressions of a child of God” to “ramble on child of God : because sometimes I just have to let it go.”

It’s a work in progress I think. I’m not sure about the “let it go” part of the tagline. I used to like that phrase until the movie “Frozen” was released. Now I can’t say it without thinking of the song. Ugh!

But truly, I do have to let it go sometimes and this is where I come to do so in writing…as most of us doing these assignments do as well.

And because I brought it up…here’s the song that ruined one of my favorite phrases…especially when it came to my kids…Let it Go…

k

At the beach…

Grey skies
Blue skies
The sun won’t decide

So many people
Along for the ride

Big kids
Small kids
So much fun had for all

I’m sure I’m the lone
One not having a ball

The beach is alright
If the tide’s not high
And I can take time to write

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I don’t hate the beach entirely. There is much beauty to be seen. The waves are a majestic example of God’s power. The seashore is absolutely His handiwork. I can sit and be in awe of this wonder for hours.

What I don’t enjoy is the sand in my face and the stickyness I feel whenter sitting on a blanket in the sand or after emerging from the salty water. I do enjoy watching the kids have fun…That’s why I am here after all.

There is joy in seeing others have fun. There is joy in casual conversation with a friend.

The sun seems to have finally won the battle with the fog…at least temporarily. Young ones play together in the sand building – or trying to build – a sand castle before the tide rolls in and devours it.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Oh! The tide just won! Start over. 🙂

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Lifeguards stand at alert
Parents chat
The sound of children laughing

Waves crashing down
Dads finding shells
Rebuilding castles in the sand

Sweet music of God’s creation

k

Christmas Eve…

I was up before the sun today. There was good reason. My oldest daughter had to be at work by 7am. Although she hates waking up early, she is glad to be off early today. It’s going to be a busy day in the department store where she works. Just thinking of all the last minute shoppers at the mall makes me feel stressed! Going to the grocery store today is not something I’m looking forward to either. That will be just as bad.

There’s a lot to think about this Christmas Eve day. There have been terrible tragedies across the country in recent weeks. Sad news has even reached my very own backyard, so-to-speak…a suicide at the beach and what appears to be an attempted suicide in our local mall. So horribly sad. People are feeling hopeless. That makes me sad.

One of my friends posted her thoughts on Facebook last night:

It just breaks my heart that people feel that all hope is gone. How I pray for those tonight who are might even be reading this – those who are feel there is nothing left. For those who do not know the Hope that is there for the taking. You might even say, “I don’t need God – He can’t give me anything or change my circumstances.”

With God there is HOPE – With God there is something to look forward to – With God there is forgiveness, grace, mercy and love – it’s yours for the taking. You have nothing to lose! Give Him a try – I promise you will NOT be disappointed!

I could not have said it better myself.

As I drove back home after dropping my daughter off at work I heard the song “Gloria in Excelsis Deo.” Translated that means “glory to God in the highest.” The song was actually getting me a little choked up. Really. The song praises God. It calls us to give Him all the glory! I will! The Creator of the earth, who sent his son for us, deserves praise.

Without that incredible Christmas miracle we would have absolutely no reason to even celebrate Christmas. Because of the gift of Jesus, we can have that hope and not be discouraged. We can know that with His grace, mercy, and love, we are forgiven and that He loves us NO MATTER WHAT!!! No one should be so discouraged that they can’t see the Light.

Without God there is no Christmas. My prayer is that the Holy Spirit will work within me to make that light known to others.

k

grandiose…

Yep…that is how I would describe some of the ideas I have had in the past and not so distant past too. I’m a dreamer. But my heart’s of gold. Oops…starting singing 🙂 Truly, I am a dreamer. I get ideas and tend to run with them without looking back or getting opinions from those I love and trust…especially God. Good intentions I say. But we all know how that goes.

I sit right smack dab in the middle of one of those grandiose dreams and schemes right now. Boy it was a good one too. I want to do this. I want to do that. I know there is a need. Those things that I see and want to do may very well be true. But that doesn’t mean that is where God wants me.

A few days ago I apologized to my husband for being so over the top with my ideas. I think I nearly gave him an anxiety attack!

Two and a half months ago I “retired” from a job I had worked at for 21 years. I was ready to pack up the house and move my family almost 500 miles away. I had dreams. I had plans. I was needed. Or so I thought. Well, God needs me, but I had not determined where He needed or wanted me at that point.

God started speaking.

Over the course of the several weeks God has been putting my husband and I in places the He felt we should be. With both of us currently unemployed, we wanted to do something during the day. No one wants to just sit at home a be a bump on a log. Our church had a need. We stepped in to help in the church kitchen. All the while I had the feeling that God was preparing us for something else. What that was/is, we still don’t know for sure, but there is a possibility of something really cool happening in our lives. A possible new adventure right in our own backyard.

God also began working spiritually in our lives…especially my husband’s life. He felt it, I saw it, and men in the church began reaching out to him. It is amazing! The Holy Spirit is at work for sure. And to be entirely honest, I don’t want to mess up anything that God has started. Not only is the Spirit at work in him, but in me as well. I don’t think I have ever felt so close to God in my 14 years of being a Christian.

In my life I have felt more friendships growing…not just me and other women, but our family and another. It is just truly amazing how God weaves lives together for His purpose. What that is remains to be seen…and I can’t wait!

What have I learned and what am I learning? To trust God. Ask God for guidance. Do not just jump at the first “great idea” that pops into your head…it could be the wrong one.

This is a lesson I know I will have to work on probably for my whole life. I’m a dreamer. And sometimes those crazy dreams are rather grandiose.

k